A Deep Analysis of Waka Flocka’s Presidential Platform

Move over Pigasus, I have a new favorite for the 2016 Presidential Election: Waka Flocka Flame.

Before I start analyzing Waka Flocka’s political stances I want to address the claim that as a 28 year-old, Waka Flocka is too young to run for president. He’s not. His Vice President can serve until he qualifies for the office (i.e. turns 35). For the first 5 years of his presidency, all formal presidential duties would be completed by his Vice Presidential Candidate, 42 year-old DJ Whoo Kid.

Now that I have established the legality of Waka Flocka Flame’s candidacy let me evaluate some of his stances:

“First thing that I’d do when I get into office is legalize marijuana”

This is a brave stance and certainly deserves our applause. Compare that stance to Republican Candidate and noted Libertarian Rand Paul who supports decriminalization but not full legalization.

“A blunt a day will take the pain away, wake up, hit a blunt, go to work, shit gonna be OK.”

This is a bit more aggressive than his previous statement in favor of legalization. Waka Flocka doesn’t cite any medical evidence to support his “Blunt a day” decree and, he will see a big pushback from the business community on the suggestion that people smoke a blunt before work. Recently, I listened to a discussion Hillary Clinton had in New Hampshire at a factory where the owner said drug testing employees is necessary to prevent accidents with the heavy machinery. If Waka Flocka wants to compete in a primary in New Hampshire he definitely will have to allay the concerns of Granite State business owners.

“You look around, things ain’t looking good, you roll a blunt, shit gonna be OK.”

This is a cross between “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself” and “It’s morning again in America.” Our nation is rife with partisanship and having a President who can unite with uplifting words is very important.

“First thing I’d stop as President is dogs coming into restaurants. I don’t want to see no fucking animal in the restaurant ever again.”

I wholeheartedly agree with this statement. Who doesn’t want to eat in peace? Waka Flocka doesn’t mention any exceptions for service dogs, but I presume the Americans with Disabilities act would allow service animals in restaurants.

“Anybody who got feet over a size 13 cannot walk in public no more. I don’t wanna see your big-ass feet taking all the space on the concrete.”

In a stark contrast to his Libertarian views on marijuana, Waka Flocka Flame seems to take an almost fascist stance against those with big feet walking outside. Securing highly coveted concrete space for those with normal sized feet might be for the greater good but it feels vaguely un-American to have a policy like this.

“I’m not wearing a suit when I’m going to the meeting [with Congress], it’s fucking irritating. Everybody have hot-ass suits on, arguing, sweating. I’m going in a tank top, flip flop, rolling one up, drinking a coffee.”

Waka Flocka is right about how humid and hot DC is and how those suits don’t help. Congress has a Seersucker Thursday, why not a Tank Top Tuesday?

“Fuck the Congress, what are we even thinking about, I am Congress, I am the President.”

I’m torn about this statement. In terms of getting elected, this is probably a decent statement, Congress is wildly unpopular. On the other hand, this statement violates the democratic system our Founding Fathers designed. That type of authoritarian leadership could be scary.

“I’m gonna raise minimum wage, I feel like all fast food restaurants should be paying $15 an hour since In-N-Out Burger is doing it, great fucking idea In-N-Out Burger.”

This is the type of populism that could carry Waka Flocka Flame to victory. Coming out strong on the minimum wage can’t hurt his candidacy and name-checking In-N-Out certainly will help grow his support base on the West Coast.

“Women’s Rights, I feel like women got all the rights already, what else do they want? … I feel like it’s not the thing of rights for women it’s more of a respect thing.”

I actually find this to be one of Waka Flocka’s more thoughtful statements. Waka Flocka is spot on here when he notes that women already have equal rights as men, but that there is more work to be done. Waka Flocka’s solution to the wage gap and other womens’ issues will move forward through not from rights-based legislation but from a national dialogue and an increase in respect.

 

After this analysis I can guarantee Flocka will move our nation forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling towards freedom!

 

Tell your friends!